A for Effort????

I truly am making an effort to share here, but I'm coming up blank. I don't really want every post to be an update type thing, but I can't really think of much else to talk about.
We adopted a new dog last week. Benny is a 6 mo old lab mix. He is sweet and calm. The opposite of Lola. Well she's sweet too, but not so much calm. Not too much new is going on with the boys. My computer is still broken and is really irritating me. Hopefully this week it will get repaired. I'm here at work and I badly want to lay my head on the desk, close my eyes, and sleep until 7 am. I am in dire need of sleep and my body is starting to revolt. It's only 3:44 am , not sure if I'll make it till 7 am.

I'm not in the mood

For some reason I feel like if I don't have anything witty or interesting to say that I just shouldn't bother. I have caught some slack lately for my lack of posts. I just don't feel like I have anything new to say. Let's see.... since my last post I have had a birthday! woo hoo! I am really starting to see that for woman at least, the 30's are really about coming into your own. I started feeling it last year but in the past few weeks I have definitely noticed myself coming into my own. I no longer feel the need to apologize for the ways that I feel ( that used to be a big one for me, lately I can't quite figure out why I was always apologizing for my feelings) I can honestly say that I am owning my feelings and I am not sorry for them. I now know what I want, what I like, and who I want around me. It is really an incredible relief, as simple as those things may sound. I am no longer insecure about myself, I find that I am loving myself more each day. It is extremely liberating. But I suppose all you other 30 somethings know where I'm going with this.

I recently started a new job, one that I was less than thrilled to have to do. But I am now thinking that it might have been a blessing in disguise. I have actually found myself liking it. Who woulda thunk it? Not that it's not alot of work, but it's kinda fun and I actually found myself having a good time.

My kids are awesome, Justin is having a bit of trouble in his new school. I anticipated this because he has always been able to be quite lax about his studies. This program is much more difficult and he has to find his way through all this studying and learn how to manage his time better. I think by the 2nd half of the year he'll be adjusted. Other than that he is looking forward to his birthday, spending time on the computer, and with some new friends he met from school. Can I just say how weird it is to have a middle schooler in the house.. the phone rings and 90% of the time it's not for you. It's so odd for me , I still see him as my baby but he's growing up so fast and wow it's just weird. Thomas is still playing football. He has a few weeks left in the season. He is doing awesome!!!! That kid is so talented, I can't even begin... last game he had a touchdown, 2 interceptions, and had 15-20 "tackles". The people at the field cheer for him and call out his name. I get sooooooo excited, and will tell you I am the loudest one. He'll hear you yelling for him and shoot you a glance with the cutest smirk on his face. He is going to be a heartbreaker, I don't think the girls are going to know what hit them. He just had a birthday and has been spending his free time playing his DS when not at football. Ethan thinks he is a big shot now that he goes to pre-k. He cracks me up so much. He is learning spanish and with his little accent, it is a laugh a minute. He also makes me laugh every morning when he gets dressed for school. He has to wear a uniform. Before school started I took the kids for new shoes, Ethan got a pair of checkered Vans, very cute, with his school uniform colors. He now believes these are the ONLY shoes he can wear to school. If I bring another pair out for him, he all but has a fit telling me that those are not his school shoes. I don't know why but this really cracks me up every morning. Ethan also fell the first week of school and knocked out his front tooth. He looks sooooo silly. It actually makes him cuter in a goofy way. He really likes school and wants school to be on Saturday too! We'll see if he still feels that way in a few years.

Other than that, not too much is going on. Hope you had some fun catching up.
Ciao.

My hero.....

Isn't she hot?!?

Some other ladies that inspire me: Stephanie Plum, Anika, Angelina Jolie (besides that whole husband stealing episode, I really can't condone that), Princess Di, Lillian Moller Gilbreath, Christi Thomas....

A walk down memory lane

Have you ever heard a song and were immediately transported back in time to a moment in your past and it feels like you are right there again? I have recently had several moments like this and to be honest I really love when this happens. I haven't quite figured out why certain songs have that affect on me while others garner not even the slightest reaction. Who knows. All I do know is that whenever I hear a select handful of songs, it totally takes me back and I find myself reliving moments of my youth, and wow do I love that feeling. Back then I had such a fiery spirit, this wonderful spunk, but at the same time was lacking in self confidence and very naive about so many things. As we all have to evolve and grow, I am no longer that girl, but for snipets of time, when certain songs come on, I feel totally connected to my former self and it feels great. I can feel her joy and her pain (depending on the song) and I can see how far I've come.


I went to a surprise b-day party for one of my oldest friends from high school tonite and I had this dejavu reaction going to her mom's house for the party. We used to hang out there all the time, and when I walked thru the front door I felt like I had passed thru a portal that took me back to when I was 16. It was like looking thru a photo album, except the pictures were in my mind, clear as day. I felt like I was transported back in time, a couple gals from high school all grown up, but back where it started. It's interesting to see my 16 year old self thru my now 30 year old eyes. I'm more impressed with my younger self now than I was then, I just wish she knew how awesome she was. It's nice to come full circle and still be surrounded by people who are as important to you now as they were then.

Here's to everyone taking a mental journey back....

Finally, today I get my fix

I feel like a crack addict who hasn't had a decent hit in a year. A year people.. do you know how awful that is. Well,today my friends, is my lucky day.... today I get to indulge in the most glorious crack imaginable... Janet Evanovich's new novel Lean Mean Thirteen is out today and I can hardly control myself long enough to get to the bookstore. Yes I will be going today and by tonite I will probably have devoured the entire novel and be yet again itching for my next hit. I try to rationalize with myself to go slow and take my time with the book, to stretch it out and linger over it as to enjoy it fully, being that she only releases one novel a year in this series. But am I able to control myself? Can I slowly enjoy my most favorite series of all time?... Hell no, I tear into it at a lightning speed and before I know it, it's over and I am left with nothing but another long year between me and my next fix. For now though, all that I can think about is the upcoming hours of pleasure that I am about to experience, I'll worry about the coming down tomorrow. So be supportive friends and hope that the weather is nice today so I can lay in my hammock and polish off all my crack in one indulgent sitting!

Who is this girl?

A few days ago I had my hair done and got it dyed dark brown. (Black if you ask me) I was in a state of shock when I saw myself. At first all I could do was stare and want to cry. What have I done to myself I wondered. Maybe all you ladies out there will understand this. All women have something about them that they love, it's like their armor. Some girls have great breasts, some have awesome legs, ect. Well for me I've always relied on my hair. If my hair was looking good I felt good. So you can imagine how I felt looking into the mirror at this woman I no longer recognize. Strange.... I know it's me, but I don't see me. I don't feel like me. I feel like me trapped in someone else. I always knew my hair was important to me, but didn't realize how much so. I almost feel silly admitting this, I know how vain it sounds. But yet, I still feel that way. So for now I will keep the dark brown locks, so as not to fry my hair. Maybe it will start to grow on me, I doubt it. So for now, I'll keep my eye on the calendar and in a few weeks I'll trek back to the salon and admit I made a mistake... I shouldn't have requested to be a raven haired beauty, some of us just can't pull that off. And within a couple of hours I'll be returned to the woman I know and love....me ( the blonde version).

The miracle of life

I know it sounds cliche, but today I found out first hand just how true a statement that is. I was lucky enough to be a part of little Jack's arrival (thanks Jeni :P ) I still, hours later, am unable to articulate just how awesome it was to watch a baby be birthed into this world. It was an experience I will forever be grateful to Jeni for. I am at a loss for words ( I know-can you believe that!) It truly was a defining moment for me. I felt so many different things all at once, but most of all I felt extremely proud to be a woman. Jeni was AMAZING! I am soooooo proud of her. Congrats to Jeni and family, love you!

The sweetest thing

This past week I went on a mini vacation with my family ( and a few others). We all had a really great time. The best thing for me was stepping back and seeing things thru my children's eyes for the first time again. You almost forget the beauty in things that are not new to you, but to be given the chance to re-experience that thru the eyes of your child, I don't think there's a more wonderful thing. It was especially awesome to see it thru Ethan's eyes. Being that he's four, I think he is really starting to notice things in a way that he has never before in his young life. He is so much more engaged now as opposed to this time last year. It's a gift to be able to go on this "journey" of discovery with him. I am fortunate to be able to spend alot of time with him, time that I didn't get with my older two boys. Maybe that's the difference, maybe it's because he's the youngest and I know now if I don't slow down and enjoy this, I'll never get another opportunity. Lately, I feel the most connected with him. I think there are many reasons for this. Justin and Thomas are older now and have begun asserting their independence ( which I'm grateful for, but all you moms know how sad it is) they no longer need me the way they once did. I knew it was coming, they are at the age when parents are fazed out as the most important thing in their world. It's ok, it's normal. But this is another reason why I feel that much closer to Ethan, he still needs me, in a way Justin and Thomas no longer do. I think I've just realized how much I need him. I'm breathing in every moment this time around. And to be completely honest, it feels good to be needed.