A for Effort????

I truly am making an effort to share here, but I'm coming up blank. I don't really want every post to be an update type thing, but I can't really think of much else to talk about.
We adopted a new dog last week. Benny is a 6 mo old lab mix. He is sweet and calm. The opposite of Lola. Well she's sweet too, but not so much calm. Not too much new is going on with the boys. My computer is still broken and is really irritating me. Hopefully this week it will get repaired. I'm here at work and I badly want to lay my head on the desk, close my eyes, and sleep until 7 am. I am in dire need of sleep and my body is starting to revolt. It's only 3:44 am , not sure if I'll make it till 7 am.

I'm not in the mood

For some reason I feel like if I don't have anything witty or interesting to say that I just shouldn't bother. I have caught some slack lately for my lack of posts. I just don't feel like I have anything new to say. Let's see.... since my last post I have had a birthday! woo hoo! I am really starting to see that for woman at least, the 30's are really about coming into your own. I started feeling it last year but in the past few weeks I have definitely noticed myself coming into my own. I no longer feel the need to apologize for the ways that I feel ( that used to be a big one for me, lately I can't quite figure out why I was always apologizing for my feelings) I can honestly say that I am owning my feelings and I am not sorry for them. I now know what I want, what I like, and who I want around me. It is really an incredible relief, as simple as those things may sound. I am no longer insecure about myself, I find that I am loving myself more each day. It is extremely liberating. But I suppose all you other 30 somethings know where I'm going with this.

I recently started a new job, one that I was less than thrilled to have to do. But I am now thinking that it might have been a blessing in disguise. I have actually found myself liking it. Who woulda thunk it? Not that it's not alot of work, but it's kinda fun and I actually found myself having a good time.

My kids are awesome, Justin is having a bit of trouble in his new school. I anticipated this because he has always been able to be quite lax about his studies. This program is much more difficult and he has to find his way through all this studying and learn how to manage his time better. I think by the 2nd half of the year he'll be adjusted. Other than that he is looking forward to his birthday, spending time on the computer, and with some new friends he met from school. Can I just say how weird it is to have a middle schooler in the house.. the phone rings and 90% of the time it's not for you. It's so odd for me , I still see him as my baby but he's growing up so fast and wow it's just weird. Thomas is still playing football. He has a few weeks left in the season. He is doing awesome!!!! That kid is so talented, I can't even begin... last game he had a touchdown, 2 interceptions, and had 15-20 "tackles". The people at the field cheer for him and call out his name. I get sooooooo excited, and will tell you I am the loudest one. He'll hear you yelling for him and shoot you a glance with the cutest smirk on his face. He is going to be a heartbreaker, I don't think the girls are going to know what hit them. He just had a birthday and has been spending his free time playing his DS when not at football. Ethan thinks he is a big shot now that he goes to pre-k. He cracks me up so much. He is learning spanish and with his little accent, it is a laugh a minute. He also makes me laugh every morning when he gets dressed for school. He has to wear a uniform. Before school started I took the kids for new shoes, Ethan got a pair of checkered Vans, very cute, with his school uniform colors. He now believes these are the ONLY shoes he can wear to school. If I bring another pair out for him, he all but has a fit telling me that those are not his school shoes. I don't know why but this really cracks me up every morning. Ethan also fell the first week of school and knocked out his front tooth. He looks sooooo silly. It actually makes him cuter in a goofy way. He really likes school and wants school to be on Saturday too! We'll see if he still feels that way in a few years.

Other than that, not too much is going on. Hope you had some fun catching up.
Ciao.

My hero.....

Isn't she hot?!?

Some other ladies that inspire me: Stephanie Plum, Anika, Angelina Jolie (besides that whole husband stealing episode, I really can't condone that), Princess Di, Lillian Moller Gilbreath, Christi Thomas....

A walk down memory lane

Have you ever heard a song and were immediately transported back in time to a moment in your past and it feels like you are right there again? I have recently had several moments like this and to be honest I really love when this happens. I haven't quite figured out why certain songs have that affect on me while others garner not even the slightest reaction. Who knows. All I do know is that whenever I hear a select handful of songs, it totally takes me back and I find myself reliving moments of my youth, and wow do I love that feeling. Back then I had such a fiery spirit, this wonderful spunk, but at the same time was lacking in self confidence and very naive about so many things. As we all have to evolve and grow, I am no longer that girl, but for snipets of time, when certain songs come on, I feel totally connected to my former self and it feels great. I can feel her joy and her pain (depending on the song) and I can see how far I've come.


I went to a surprise b-day party for one of my oldest friends from high school tonite and I had this dejavu reaction going to her mom's house for the party. We used to hang out there all the time, and when I walked thru the front door I felt like I had passed thru a portal that took me back to when I was 16. It was like looking thru a photo album, except the pictures were in my mind, clear as day. I felt like I was transported back in time, a couple gals from high school all grown up, but back where it started. It's interesting to see my 16 year old self thru my now 30 year old eyes. I'm more impressed with my younger self now than I was then, I just wish she knew how awesome she was. It's nice to come full circle and still be surrounded by people who are as important to you now as they were then.

Here's to everyone taking a mental journey back....

Finally, today I get my fix

I feel like a crack addict who hasn't had a decent hit in a year. A year people.. do you know how awful that is. Well,today my friends, is my lucky day.... today I get to indulge in the most glorious crack imaginable... Janet Evanovich's new novel Lean Mean Thirteen is out today and I can hardly control myself long enough to get to the bookstore. Yes I will be going today and by tonite I will probably have devoured the entire novel and be yet again itching for my next hit. I try to rationalize with myself to go slow and take my time with the book, to stretch it out and linger over it as to enjoy it fully, being that she only releases one novel a year in this series. But am I able to control myself? Can I slowly enjoy my most favorite series of all time?... Hell no, I tear into it at a lightning speed and before I know it, it's over and I am left with nothing but another long year between me and my next fix. For now though, all that I can think about is the upcoming hours of pleasure that I am about to experience, I'll worry about the coming down tomorrow. So be supportive friends and hope that the weather is nice today so I can lay in my hammock and polish off all my crack in one indulgent sitting!

Who is this girl?

A few days ago I had my hair done and got it dyed dark brown. (Black if you ask me) I was in a state of shock when I saw myself. At first all I could do was stare and want to cry. What have I done to myself I wondered. Maybe all you ladies out there will understand this. All women have something about them that they love, it's like their armor. Some girls have great breasts, some have awesome legs, ect. Well for me I've always relied on my hair. If my hair was looking good I felt good. So you can imagine how I felt looking into the mirror at this woman I no longer recognize. Strange.... I know it's me, but I don't see me. I don't feel like me. I feel like me trapped in someone else. I always knew my hair was important to me, but didn't realize how much so. I almost feel silly admitting this, I know how vain it sounds. But yet, I still feel that way. So for now I will keep the dark brown locks, so as not to fry my hair. Maybe it will start to grow on me, I doubt it. So for now, I'll keep my eye on the calendar and in a few weeks I'll trek back to the salon and admit I made a mistake... I shouldn't have requested to be a raven haired beauty, some of us just can't pull that off. And within a couple of hours I'll be returned to the woman I know and love....me ( the blonde version).

The miracle of life

I know it sounds cliche, but today I found out first hand just how true a statement that is. I was lucky enough to be a part of little Jack's arrival (thanks Jeni :P ) I still, hours later, am unable to articulate just how awesome it was to watch a baby be birthed into this world. It was an experience I will forever be grateful to Jeni for. I am at a loss for words ( I know-can you believe that!) It truly was a defining moment for me. I felt so many different things all at once, but most of all I felt extremely proud to be a woman. Jeni was AMAZING! I am soooooo proud of her. Congrats to Jeni and family, love you!

The sweetest thing

This past week I went on a mini vacation with my family ( and a few others). We all had a really great time. The best thing for me was stepping back and seeing things thru my children's eyes for the first time again. You almost forget the beauty in things that are not new to you, but to be given the chance to re-experience that thru the eyes of your child, I don't think there's a more wonderful thing. It was especially awesome to see it thru Ethan's eyes. Being that he's four, I think he is really starting to notice things in a way that he has never before in his young life. He is so much more engaged now as opposed to this time last year. It's a gift to be able to go on this "journey" of discovery with him. I am fortunate to be able to spend alot of time with him, time that I didn't get with my older two boys. Maybe that's the difference, maybe it's because he's the youngest and I know now if I don't slow down and enjoy this, I'll never get another opportunity. Lately, I feel the most connected with him. I think there are many reasons for this. Justin and Thomas are older now and have begun asserting their independence ( which I'm grateful for, but all you moms know how sad it is) they no longer need me the way they once did. I knew it was coming, they are at the age when parents are fazed out as the most important thing in their world. It's ok, it's normal. But this is another reason why I feel that much closer to Ethan, he still needs me, in a way Justin and Thomas no longer do. I think I've just realized how much I need him. I'm breathing in every moment this time around. And to be completely honest, it feels good to be needed.

It's always something....

It has to be said... sometimes life really just sucks. OK it's bad enough that the price of everything is skyrocketing ( everything that is except for my income) but it seems to me lately that you just can't get ahead ( or catch up for that matter). It has to make you stop and think, what the hell is happening to the middle class. I used to consider myself a proud member of the middle class, but it now seems that if I'm lucky I might be in the lower ( lowest) middle class. It appears that at this rate we'll be a country of rich and poor. And I'm sad to say I know where I'll fall. It's not that I feel as though I have to be rich, honestly I just want to be able to pay all my bills, have a car of my own, and have a little left over to indulge my wonderful kids a bit. Is that so much to ask? I don't need gobs of money, I'm just tired of playing the game, you know where you have to constantly juggle the bills seeing which has to be paid and which can be late and at the same time buy groceries for your family. I'm just tired, tired of the stress and tired of the worry. As my loyal fans know, I have been without a vehicle and my dear mom has generously lent me hers, well to make for an extremely crappy day, as I was driving to mom's this afternoon with the entire family, including Lola and all her stuff , my mom's car decides to break down about 10 blocks from her house. To make matters worse, it appears that the car will need major repairs ( read : lots of money) and that it will not be ready anytime soon. Can you say shit?!!! AAAHHHHHH. Picture me, in 90 degree heat on the side of the road with 3 kids and an unruly dog. Not my idea of an ideal Sunday. I guess when it rains, it pours. So now I have the pleasure of admitting that I am once again carless. It makes me feel a bit like a failure to say that, but I guess instead of focusing on what I don't have ( ie the car) I should focus on what I do have, my house, great kids, wonderful husband, who cares about the car, I could walk and in turn not only get in better shape, I could also help the environment. Maybe this won't be as bad as I had first imagined. Here's to trying to look on the bright side.....

Going Green

I just watched Oprah and I have to tell you I am feeling a bit inspired. Today's show was in honor of Earth Day and was all about living green. I have to say, this has been something I have been wanting to do ever since I saw An Inconvenient Truth ( for all those who have yet to see it, I believe it is a must see, and please watch with your kids. What better way to educate our kids and inspire them to be proactive about the environment than to let them take an active role in helping us.) But you all know how it is, you put things off for another day to do more "important" things and before you know it 3 months have gone by and you've still done nothing. Well I am here to say I had a moment today while watching the show and I realized there aren't many things that are more important than taking a stand NOW and doing something. I can sit idley by and do nothing while our planet becomes less and less inhabitable or I can do something. Well I have made a choice and I am going to do something. I urge you all to consider making simple changes in your life and home. Hey, these changes can even end up saving you money. If you just replace your lightbulbs with compact fluorescent light bulbs you are on your way to not only decreasing the CO2 output and helping decrease global warming but also saving on your electric bill ( and they last 7 - 10 years people!) There are so many simple changes you can make to help out Mother Earth, & they don't all cost a fortune. So I encourage you all to do your research & see what changes can work for your family. What better legacy to leave behind for your children than a planet that is better off because you were on it!

What a difference a day makes

Just yesterday I was carrying on about not having seen 300 yet. Well I must have done something really good because my karma came back to me today and I couldn't have asked for a better gift. My father in law got a copy of 300 on dvd and let me borrow it. I have just finished watching it and let me tell you, it definately lives up to all the hype. I love love love love love this movie. Gerard Butler is stunning ( his performance isn't too shabby either :P ) Actually, his performance just about made the movie, I couldn't picture anyone else as Leonidas. And the Queen... oh my god she rocks!!! ( you were right A. her line was the best and was well delivered. I loved that part. that guy was a pig and got what he deserved) The special effects and graphics are superb. I just cannot think of enough to say about this movie. I was inspired by the passion of the Spartans. I can only hope that I can live my life with such passion.

To all of you losers who have not yet seen this movie, I urge you to do so. Go now, run.... you won't be sorry.

Green with envy

Ok Ok Ok... I know freaking everyone in the free world has seen 300 and I also know that I'm probably one of the few people who has not seen it. What really pisses me off about this is that I'm literally DYING to see this movie. I have been looking forward to this movie for months now ever since my best friend emailed me the trailer. Everytime I hear someone talk about how awesome it is ( cause I haven't heard one bad review yet) I want to choke them and scream at them to shut up and not to ruin it for me. And I am overcome with this feeling of insane jealousy. Is it normal to harbor feelings of this magnitude over a movie? Well, I'll reserve my judgement on that until I actually see the damn thing. So if anyone wants to volunteer to watch my 3 amazing, gorgeous (did I mention well-behaved?) children so the hubby and I can go and see this film before I freaking kill myself, please call me.

At Last

So I have been receiving alot of pressure to blog regularly. ( yes, from my 2 whole fans).Nice person that I am, I want to give the people what they want. As I sit here and try to think of something of interest to blog about, I find myself starting to think about all kinds of pressures, especially those those that women face. The pressure to be thin, the pressure to be the perfect housewife, the pressure to be everything to everyone (at the expense of yourself) . I had a really sad conversation with my mom on Friday. She was crying and crying saying that she woke up that morning and for some reason she realized that "she" was lost. She told me she no longer knew who she was or even what kinds of things she liked, disliked, even basic things like hobbies, people( including her boyfriend). She is the kind of person that for years has let everyone else take advantage of her and stood idlely by while people came in and out of her life, using her, and each stripping away pieces of her one at time. Don't get me wrong here, my mom is not a total doormat, she just gives up too easily, she doesn't like confrontation, so she'll always succumb to avoid the fight. While I feel so sad for her, I am elated that she has finally realized what's going on. I having been trying to tell her this for years, but for some reason, it either comes across wrong, or she doesn't get what I'm trying to say. I guess you just have to be ready to hear. I struggled with waking up one day and realizing that I did not know the person I had become. I became a mother & a wife and wanted so badly to please them that I never took the time to consider what I wanted, and before I knew it I was a shell of the girl I used to be. I am thankful everyday that I have found my way back., but I know that this happens to alot of women. They become wives, mothers, and completely abandon who they were and what they were all about to focus only on the needs of their family. It's the pressure to be the perfect housewife. We women try to hold ourselves to the ridiculous standard where in our minds we are supposed to have cleaned the house immaculately, have a delicious,home cooked meal on the table, have all children politely at the table waiting for dear ole dad, all while your perfectly coifed, in full makeup and dressed to kill with your smile plastered on. Why do we do this? I for one know my husband couldn't give a rat's ass if I cook or choose to order pizza as long as we eat. And as for the house and kids being immaculate, well he does not harbor any illusions, we have young kids and our house will never be immaculate. And my husband loves me even if I wear sweats with no makeup and have bed head. As long as I throw him a bone a few times a week, he's a happy guy. Men are simple, it's us women who complicate things. And as far as the pressure to be thin, I am so over that too. Coming from the girl who once had such horrible body image issues, I couldn't even be naked in front of my husband, I am telling you it's all a crock. We have got to learn to love ourselves.. as is. I can now proudly say I love everything about myself (my incredible shrinking breasts aside) right down to my laugh lines, grey hair, stretch marks, and cellulite dimples. They are all mine. I have earned them, and I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not experienced those things.

Well even though this was not the blog I had intended to write, I'm glad I did, and if it doesn't all make sense, throw me a bone I've been awake for 23 hours and and running on fumes here.

The Cool Girls' Guide To Spending New Year's Eve Alone

So I had to work on NewYear's Eve this year and to say the least was bummed out about it. I had a bit of a pity party for myself. I mean why me? I'm young and cool, why don't I get to be out partying with my friends? How sad am I going to be on New Year's Eve all alone, especially at midnight with noone to kiss. Isn't it bad luck not to be kissed at midnight? Is my whole year going to be ruined cause I'm not getting kissed at midnight? ( I told you I had a pity party). OK let's think about this- I'm a smart girl I can figure out how to celebrate New Year's alone and still have a rockin good time (can't I?) So I started thinking about the main things people do on NYE. Maybe I can find a way to do them too.
So, admittedly, I was still not happy about being at work. I decided to have a chat with myself and hype myself up about this. I mean I have a unique chance to step by step show other cool chicks who happen to find themselves alone on NYE how to keep on rockin. I can do this. I am a cool chick, I'm fun, and a blast to party with. Hell, I'm awesome!( if I don't say so myself) So first things first people are always extra happy on NYE ( all the alochol probably) so I've got to perk it up here.... So I chant some affirmations to myself.. You rock! You rock! You rock! Hell yeah I do!
Ok, now I'm feeling better.... What I need to do is figure out what are the main things people do on NYE and adapt them to work under my circumstances. I can do this. I'm a smart chick. Ok let's think.. people like to hang out and party with cool people on NYE. This could be difficult since I'm alone. Wait a minute... I'm cool. Hell yeah I'm cool, I'm awesome to party with! Step 1: party with cool people. Check! Ok what's next. People like to drink and dance to good music while waiting for midnight to roll around. I can't do anything about the drinking part since I'm at work and that is not allowed (WTF, it's a holiday) but I do have an ipod full of awesome music and I am a pretty good dancer. Oh yeah I'm down. So I put on my ipod and dance (with myself) for awhile. Whew!! I need a drink. As I swig my iced tea ( it's the best I can do) I check off step 2. Drink and dance with a good dancer to great music. Check. What's next? Ok the best part of NYE is being guaranteed (almost) that you're going to get kissed at midnight. Every girl wants to be kissed by a good kisser,preferrably one that looks good too. My husband is miles away at home with the kids so there's no way that I'll get a kiss. Hmmmmm... What can I do about this..... Wait I'm a good kisser and not to toot my own horn here but I'm not exactly hard on the eyes. Yeah I can kiss myself, It'll be great.
Step 3 : Kiss a good looking,good kisser. Check.
Now I'm on a roll. What's next? Ok after a good snog at midnight people usually see fireworks (no, not from the kiss, real ones, though isn't it great when a kiss does that to you?) Obviously I can't set off fireworks in my office, but I can do confetti. If you don't have any confetti lying around, as I didn't, you can make you own. ( just color and cut up paper) After the countdown and the big kiss, watch the fireworks(confetti) with your beloved (myself).
Step 4: Watch fireworks(confetti) with yor beloved. Check.
Now were entering the end of our journey. The last thing people do at the end of their night is wish everyone a Happy New Year. I can wish myself( and everyone else) a Happy New Year. That's easy.

Step 5: Wish everyone a Happy New Year. Check.


So,I must admit, NYE wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I was able to entertain myself for awhile and actually had a bit of fun with myself. I learned that you can make bad situations better, but I won't lie... It wasn't quite as much fun as being out there with my husband and friends would have been. Next year I plan to be off and to make up for this year. Watch out, next year I will be ready to rock out for real.. have my drink ready!