At Last

So I have been receiving alot of pressure to blog regularly. ( yes, from my 2 whole fans).Nice person that I am, I want to give the people what they want. As I sit here and try to think of something of interest to blog about, I find myself starting to think about all kinds of pressures, especially those those that women face. The pressure to be thin, the pressure to be the perfect housewife, the pressure to be everything to everyone (at the expense of yourself) . I had a really sad conversation with my mom on Friday. She was crying and crying saying that she woke up that morning and for some reason she realized that "she" was lost. She told me she no longer knew who she was or even what kinds of things she liked, disliked, even basic things like hobbies, people( including her boyfriend). She is the kind of person that for years has let everyone else take advantage of her and stood idlely by while people came in and out of her life, using her, and each stripping away pieces of her one at time. Don't get me wrong here, my mom is not a total doormat, she just gives up too easily, she doesn't like confrontation, so she'll always succumb to avoid the fight. While I feel so sad for her, I am elated that she has finally realized what's going on. I having been trying to tell her this for years, but for some reason, it either comes across wrong, or she doesn't get what I'm trying to say. I guess you just have to be ready to hear. I struggled with waking up one day and realizing that I did not know the person I had become. I became a mother & a wife and wanted so badly to please them that I never took the time to consider what I wanted, and before I knew it I was a shell of the girl I used to be. I am thankful everyday that I have found my way back., but I know that this happens to alot of women. They become wives, mothers, and completely abandon who they were and what they were all about to focus only on the needs of their family. It's the pressure to be the perfect housewife. We women try to hold ourselves to the ridiculous standard where in our minds we are supposed to have cleaned the house immaculately, have a delicious,home cooked meal on the table, have all children politely at the table waiting for dear ole dad, all while your perfectly coifed, in full makeup and dressed to kill with your smile plastered on. Why do we do this? I for one know my husband couldn't give a rat's ass if I cook or choose to order pizza as long as we eat. And as for the house and kids being immaculate, well he does not harbor any illusions, we have young kids and our house will never be immaculate. And my husband loves me even if I wear sweats with no makeup and have bed head. As long as I throw him a bone a few times a week, he's a happy guy. Men are simple, it's us women who complicate things. And as far as the pressure to be thin, I am so over that too. Coming from the girl who once had such horrible body image issues, I couldn't even be naked in front of my husband, I am telling you it's all a crock. We have got to learn to love ourselves.. as is. I can now proudly say I love everything about myself (my incredible shrinking breasts aside) right down to my laugh lines, grey hair, stretch marks, and cellulite dimples. They are all mine. I have earned them, and I wouldn't be the person I am today had I not experienced those things.

Well even though this was not the blog I had intended to write, I'm glad I did, and if it doesn't all make sense, throw me a bone I've been awake for 23 hours and and running on fumes here.